Blog like a Champion

I was enjoying excellent network programming the other night when I saw a commercial for KFC’s Double Down. To be honest the commercial was kind of like watching a brand new Hummer run over a school bus full of overweight children. I didn’t know whether to write a letter or make sure this was for real first. Now I have struggled in the past with my own addictions to Mountain Dew products, Breyer’s Cookies and Cream, and Reese’s Pieces, but this “Double Down” has once again raised the bar of stupidity in American cuisine. It may be better to just go with a bacon grease I.V. At least a doctor will closely monitor you in the case of the latter.

And what’s with the gambling terminology, Double Down? Will I get heart disease or won’t I. I bet I don’t. My doctor will wager I do and he’s the joker that can afford the payments on a brand new Hummer. Come on, someone in KFC’s front office had to know people all over America will be making that joke.

My question is, “What’s next?” Icing Smoothies?

Why stop with just food options?

 What about Gravy Mouthwash?

Bacon floss?

Hopefully this sloppy jumble of calories will be tossed into the scrap heap of novelty items and leave only a small hardcore following willing to travel thousands of miles to a “participating” KFC churning out the last of these diet devastators. While this scenario is possible, I do seem to remember the Double Down’s distant cousin a certain 1000+ calorie breakfast sandwich from Burger King that made quite a name for itself. This makes me wonder if my BFF Herbert Spencer was on to something with his phrase “survival of the fittest”. He certainly didn’t say anything about the survival of the fattest.