Blog like a Champion

There are times in life when you get the, “What am I doing?” epiphany. I was returning from Harris Teeter in my dad’s 1996 Honda Accord (Clyde’s perch is dead by the way) sporting the “Fast and Furious” muffler eating a block of organic pepperjack cheese sipping on a 800 calorie chocolate health food drink (64 grams of protein though, yeahhhyyyuh!) late for a meeting in the Thomasville Kmart parking lot to test drive a Geo Metro (Craigslist meetup/Creepofest). At every stop light I reach for chocolate goodness because on the bottle printed in tiny letters it states that I must refrigerate after opening (Hondaz don come wit  da frijjes). I finished the bottle and ate cheese until my side hurt. It was at this moment I realized that I had no clue what I was doing. Not just with my poor time management skills, but in life. The blind leading the blind is how it goes. I stumble to find my way because my LED headlamp is twisty tied to my heavy aluminum road bike (I wanted yellow, she gave me red-stupid eBay). No, I stumble to find my way, because Google has great maps, but we don’t have the internet. No, I stumble to find my way because I would have more time to search if I weren’t soaking pesticide-free pinto beans for 8 hours or overnight. No, I stumble to find my way because I will not return emails that guarantee a forensics degree in 2.5 years, someone in the Greensboro has a crush on me, the US government wants to loan me money, or improved “sexy time” performance with a revolutionary new pill. If all roads lead to Rome, what happens when in Rome? Sometimes I could smack Frost in the face for the Road Less Traveled, and then he would knock out all my teeth because it makes all the difference. After the melee, I would whistle an Irish drinking song with the people I love the most and fret about the stupid white picket fence separating me from the church.